perfectionism as one of the main causes of self-dissatisfaction has always been a problem with contradictory consequences for human beings. One of the most important factors in the emergence of this problem is the pressure that society puts on individuals. Meanwhile, some social groups, such as mothers, are more vulnerable than others and may display behaviors in the face of perfectionism that pave the way for the development of abilities. perfectionism can trap mothers in a cycle. A defect that is managed by low self-esteem and anxiety. In addition to the unrealistic expectations of society, other factors, such as the content published on virtual networks and wings and filling the impression that the rest of us have a better life, contribute to the perfectionism. It is not possible to satisfy perfectionist desires, because perfectionism is essentially an illusion. Hence, the complexity of failing in the project of realizing these desires in mothers is quite understandable. In the continuation of this article from BingMag Meg, we will first describe the phenomenon of perfectionism and then, while addressing the consequences of this phenomenon in mothers, we will offer solutions to solve it. Join us.
What is perfectionism?
We often think We find that the need for perfectionism stems from the desire to perform at our best. But perfectionism is not necessarily about growth and development. Emotional researcher Brene Brown defines perfectionism as "perfectionism is at best a shield against blame, judgment, or shame." Thus, if perfectionism is targeted, one's life becomes stagnant and it becomes impossible to achieve real goals.
There are different types of perfectionism. In a 1991 study by Powell. . Hewitt and Gordon L. Felt, two Canadian psychotherapists, performed on perfectionism, introducing three types of perfectionism:
In the first type, one puts pressure on oneself to achieve ideal results. The second type refers to pressuring others to achieve ideal results. The third type also warns of pressures from society to have outstanding performance. perfectionism in mothers is a combination of all three types. Perfectionist mothers not only force themselves to be the best, they also pass that mindset on to their children. However, the source of this perfectionism is the unreasonable expectations of society from mothers.
Signs of perfectionism in mothers
It shows in different ways. Here are some signs of perfectionism in mothers.
perfectionism generally causes us to procrastinate for fear of making mistakes. The desire to procrastinate in mothers is accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. Occasionally, perfectionist mothers refuse to do housework or raise their children because of their inability to guarantee extraordinary results. Such a dilemma arises from considering the end result as an essential part of the process of starting an activity.Focusing on learning from mistakes promises success in the future, and postponing activities for fear of making a mistake is just a feeling of dissatisfaction. increases.
2. Having a negative attitude towards your performance
perfectionism makes you think that continuing to do something that is not ideal is doomed to failure. This feeling creates a kind of negative view of oneself that affects the whole of life. Such a feeling is very tangible for mothers who have a job outside the home in addition to raising their children and doing housework. Most of the time, such mothers, in the face of the slightest sign of 100% failure, label themselves as losers. The remarkable thing about having such a feeling is that the mother emphasizes being a loser in all areas of her life and deems any attempt to fight this mindset futile.
3. Prolonging Activities
perfectionism slows down activities by placing too many obstacles in the way. This also applies to activities that do not take much time, such as sending an essential message or putting food in the refrigerator. This is because intense attention to achieving extraordinary results from important tasks prevents one from taking the time to engage in such mundane activities.
Feeling upset about other mothers' success
Perfectionist mothers often feel upset and frustrated when faced with other mothers who do not have astronomical expectations of their activities. These conditions often lead to self-blame and a weakening of self-confidence. Observing the lives of other mothers through the lens of perfectionism nurtures a sense of inadequacy.
Complications of extreme perfectionism in mothers
5. Keeping Life Stagnant
Perfectionist mothers seem to seek the healthiest way possible, but along the way they put a lot of pressure on themselves to avoid the remnants of blame, judgment, and shame. Entering the vicious cycle of perfectionism is accompanied by a transformation of the nature of success. As a result, progress seems unattainable because the mother is always waiting to act at the right moment, which never arrives.
Ignoring Leading Options
perfectionism scares mothers from making decisions. Procrastination in decision-making, in turn, causes anxiety. Eventually, the mother is trapped in a cycle of self-doubt, negativity, and apathy, and does not see the various solutions and options she has been faced with to overcome this dilemma.
7. Depression and other mental health problems
Anxiety and depression are closely related. Ignoring the problem of perfectionism can reduce the quality of life by paving the way for the emergence of these two, and greatly increase the negative feelings that mothers have about themselves.
8. Injury to Children
In individual perfectionism, injuries are often self-inflicted, but when mothers turn to perfectionism, children will not be harmed. Perfectionist mothers inadvertently make their children perfectionists and deprive them of new experiences through controlling behaviors. On the other hand, children learn from an early age that making mistakes equals failure, and this mindset from an early age makes them depressed and anxious. In some cases, children hurt themselves and weaken their relationship with their mothers, which poses a great threat to them in the future. Children may even become frustrated with their mothers' perfectionist desires and give up altogether.
Challenging Existential Value
Having the "my value depends on the quality of my performance" mentality is one of the main foundations of perfectionism. When existential value is measured by the quality of performance, anxiety and fear of the end result take precedence over mental health. In such a situation, when the mother, for whatever reason, is not able to show her best image, she does not consider herself worthy of love and ignores the warnings of those around her. Continuous efforts to prove abilities by unreasonable standards create an ideal forest in which anxiety grows with all its might.
Strategies for Countering perfectionism
Remember that perfectionism, like many other problems we face in life, is manageable. The only tools you need to combat perfectionism are perseverance, commitment and a few basic strategies. Here are some of these solutions.
Challenge the "all or nothing" mindset
Keep reminding yourself that making a mistake does not call into question the overall quality of your work as a mother. Making mistakes is an essential part of learning and progressing, and being afraid of it only takes you away from the ultimate goal.
Remind yourself that it is natural to make mistakes
Write down your strengths in a notebook and constantly remind yourself that you have everything you need to achieve the ideal result. Whenever you feel you have low self-esteem, list your strengths in that area. This over time will condition your brain to think positively about realism.
Be careful how you talk about yourself
Sometimes you need to reconsider how you talk to others about yourself. Negativity and self-blame greatly simplify the process of instilling negative emotions. The deeper you think about what you are saying, the more you will be able to filter out malicious words from the facts. Remember that a little positive thinking can also be very effective in reducing negativity.
Make Mistakes from Time to Time
To fight perfectionism, you must believe that making mistakes and not being perfect does not diminish your value. You can try new hobbies to avoid the fear of making mistakes. Doing new things and getting out of the safe place gives you several starting points. New hobbies give you the opportunity to start over and prove that having the right to make mistakes is an integral part of progress and is not harmless.
Often, perfectionism has its roots in childhood. Inability to say "no" and fear of failure play an important role in the development of perfectionism in adulthood. The best way to find the cause of perfectionism is to ask yourself, "Why should I do this in the best possible way?" "If I do not achieve the ideal result, what will I lose?" The first answers that come to mind are good guides to finding the root cause of perfectionism. If the root of perfectionism is in childhood, seeing a psychotherapist can untie many knots.
Don't Forget to Take Care of Yourself
Perfectionist mothers often become so preoccupied with worrying for the best possible results that they forget about taking care of themselves altogether. In such a situation, it should be remembered that having a healthy mind and body is critical to any kind of success. Scientific findings also confirm the positive effect of adequate rest on increasing creativity and efficiency in performing activities.
7. Revise Your Expectations
Start by prioritizing values. When you choose your goals in line with your values, you are automatically on the right track. You may have trouble adapting to change in the middle of the road, but keep in mind that this difficulty is only a deception of the mind to prevent change. Therefore, be persistent and turn the fear of change into a situation for progress. It is very important for the souls of mothers, children and their spouses. Facing the fear of failure is the most important step that can be taken to combat perfectionism. Keep in mind that the recovery path is long and winding. Therefore, trust in yourself and your abilities, and do not underestimate the importance of perseverance and perseverance in this direction.This is for educational and informational purposes only. Be sure to consult a specialist before using the recommendations in this article. For more information, read the BingMag Meg Disclaimer .
Sources: Psychologytoday, Embracingyoutherapy, Parenting Firstcry, APA
Tags: mother, perfectionism, destructive, behavior?