What is emotional balance in a relationship and how can we achieve it?

Being overly dependent or distant from your partner can cause major challenges in your life together. In this article, we have explained about each of these states and at the end, we have introduced ways to achieve emotional balance in a shared life. First of all, read the following scenarios and say which one of them is similar to your life or your romantic partner's life?

BingMag.com What is emotional balance in a relationship and how can we achieve it?

Being overly dependent or distant from your partner can cause major challenges in your life together. In this article, we have explained about each of these states and at the end, we have introduced ways to achieve emotional balance in a shared life. First of all, read the following scenarios and say which one of them is similar to your life or your romantic partner's life?

First scenario:

  • He never understands me. In the past, no one understood me.
  • Nobody ever paid attention to me.
  • Sometimes he doesn't talk to me for several days. Even when he doesn't treat me well, I take care of him.
  • I would do anything for him, but when he doesn't pay attention to me, I feel extra.
  • They never try. They don't see me. It's always been that way.
  • One day they will finally understand and appreciate me.

Second scenario:

  • I can manage my own affairs. This is my safe zone.
  • I am not a sentimental and romantic person.
  • I don't need anyone's support and that's why I don't ask for help.
  • I discuss I don't like doing I am usually silent.
  • I am married to my work.
  • I lose my freedom in the relationship. I prefer to be alone.

Immutability; I am, because you are

The first scenario shows non-evolution. These people have no emotional identity and usually start their sentences with "we". They focus too much on their partner's feelings and problems. This attention causes disappointment and creates a feeling of need in them; Because the emotions and feelings of others are not under their control and over time can make these people emotionally fragile.

They are afraid of having inner independence and being self-reliant; Because they have deep doubts about themselves and seek the approval of others to strengthen their worth. This leads to self-blame or others, too much self-sacrifice and affection, which only increases the lack of transformation. Emotional dependence increases vulnerability. As much as they do not receive the answer to these behaviors, the possibility of depression and anxiety increases.

heartbreak; When I'm free, I feel safe

The second scenario shows people who are on that end of the spectrum. They are achievement oriented and have rigid emotional boundaries. These people are mostly known as workaholics, caring and friendly, but emotionally unavailable to their partners. They temporarily connect with everyone, even strangers, but emotions and feelings in their relationship have almost no place.

These people usually feel lonely, as if no one really knows them and no one is there for them as they are ready for others. They are good listeners but rarely share their feelings with others. This group of people maintain a certain emotional distance with their life partner to avoid rejection.

Dysfunctional emotional balance

In a relationship of the combination of these two groups, the dependent person is constantly looking for an emotional connection, but his partner is equally in It's time to distance yourself. The more the dependent person tries, the more the other person avoids him. If we consider the individual space and the space related to the relationship between two people, two basic aspects of a person's life, there is no healthy emotional balance in the relationship between these two people. The first person's life is more in the relationship space, and the other person's life is in the individual space.

For these two people, if they continue to maintain the same personality they have, one is untransformed and the other is broken-hearted, emotional support for each other will be challenging and difficult; So instead of emotional support, couples focus on each other's flaws and their partner's change because they believe their own approach to life is normal and resist change. Over time they avoid talking and fall into an ineffective balance. A codependent person tries too hard emotionally for their partner or friend but does not work enough for their personal life; Meanwhile, the other person does the opposite.

Couples usually do not know about these patterns and honestly believe that they are doing their best for their relationship. However, despite their good intentions, these people experience emotional distress. Although this dysfunctional stability creates a temporary peace, it shortens the life of a relationship.

As we mentioned, the durability of this unhealthy emotional balance is not permanent and may be compromised at certain times. For example, influential life events such as having children, losing parents, unemployment, physical or mental problems such as illness and depression, which can reveal hidden tensions, may threaten the balance of the relationship. In fact, when one of the parties The relationship feels vulnerable, old and hidden wounds are opened.

Distinction; I respect you, me and us

BingMag.com What is emotional balance in a relationship and how can we achieve it?

If we consider a spectrum One end of which is non-transformation and the other end is heartbreak, the distinction is in the middle of this spectrum. Murray Bowen, a pioneer of family therapy, describes differentiation as an evolutionary process driven by two opposing forces, the need for belonging and separateness. Discernment refers to how a person sees themselves in dealing with their emotions.

A distinct person accepts and recognizes his feelings and thoughts in the same way, manages his reactions and makes meaningful choices by being aware of their impact on others. They take care of themselves and others.

Restoring emotional and functional balance

Depending on the level of these patterns, the duration of the relationship and the severity of the distressing event that disturbed the dysfunctional balance, restoring Balance takes time and help. In the following, we will introduce some tips to restore stability.

Dr. John Gutman and Julie Gutman believe that when we are experiencing emotions, it is the best time to learn about them. When an emotional situation arises for you or your partner, do the following:

  • Listen to your feelings and understand them without focusing too quickly on finding a solution.
  • Give credit to your feelings and normalize them for yourself based on past experiences.
  • Accept your feelings and know that it is okay to feel them.
  • Assure yourself that you will get through that situation and reach the right solution.

Define your emotional boundaries

Define your emotional boundaries and be aware of them. Remember that you are not responsible for making your partner feel better and don't be influenced by his emotional situation. Your partner can work through these feelings on their own, and all they need is for you to listen and understand them.

Build Your Identity

Give yourself time to understand your beliefs, values, and feelings and become aware of who you really are. Define yourself by setting boundaries, accepting and respecting yourself, and practicing self-regulation. Express yourself and share and be there for your partner. Choose your goals according to your values and work hard to achieve them.

Emotional balance means creating a healthy personal space, belonging and being in a relationship space and maintaining communication.

This article has only the aspect of education and information. Be sure to consult an expert before using the recommendations in this article. For more information, read BingMag Disclaimer.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *