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What is bullying and how to deal with it?

BingMag.com <b>What</b> is <b>bullying</b> and <b>how</b> to <b>deal</b> with it?

Betrayal, lack of attention, lack of love and lack of mutual understanding are just a group of the most common factors that fuel the weakening and destruction of emotional and friendly relationships. Besides these, there are subtle factors that usually stay out of sight, but they cause undeniable damage to the quality and life of relationships. Many of these invisible factors are related to behavior and speech and are so institutionalized in daily habits that they are not visible at all. An example of such destructive habits is talking too much in relationships.

Talking usually occurs when one of the two sides of the relationship strongly emphasizes the correctness of his words and protests against the disobedience of the other person. People who use sentences containing "must" a lot expect others to always listen to them and not question the truth of their words. This prejudice can become so intense that it endangers the health, quality and length of various emotional, friendly and social relationships and makes a person feel isolated. We give and then we introduce several solutions to deal with the tendency to say. Stay with us.

What is a must say and how does it happen?

BingMag.com <b>What</b> is <b>bullying</b> and <b>how</b> to <b>deal</b> with it?

You may have heard sentences like "he should know that I like the color blue more", "he should understand why and What I'm upset about" or "he should understand where the problem comes from". People who have such expectations usually have a controlling and judgmental personality and look at most issues with a lens of zero or one hundred. Saying things in relation to relatives and acquaintances causes negative energy and hatred. Over time, this approach turns relationships toxic and alienates others from the speaker. Most of the time, the gossiper does not express his inner desires correctly and causes many misunderstandings.

People who gossip usually fail to understand that others do not have the ability to read their minds! Sometimes having such misplaced expectations in intimate relationships leads to annoyance. For example, some mothers expect that their children and husbands, just by living with them, will be able to understand all their needs and take action to solve their problems; But when the needs are not properly expressed, it is natural that other family members cannot cope with such responsibility and cause resentment. It should be noted that babbling is largely related to weakness in active listening.

How to deal with the tendency to babbling?

BingMag.com <b>What</b> is <b>bullying</b> and <b>how</b> to <b>deal</b> with it?

One of the most effective ways to fight with the need to talk and to improve the quality of communication methods is to use the approach of active listening. This approach helps establish mutual understanding and eliminates misunderstandings. Most of the time, neediness stems from toxic thoughts that lie behind imperative requests. Here are some of these requests and the toxic thoughts associated with them.

  • Request: Why is this room so dirty? You should have cleaned it up sooner!
    Hidden Toxic Thought: No one should live like this person, recklessly and irregularly!
  • Request: Hidden Toxic Thinking: Everyone who has a close or intimate relationship with me should automatically be aware of my moods and moods. No further explanation is needed!
  • Request: Why haven't you prepared my favorite dish for dinner? Don't you know that I hate this food?
    Hidden toxic thought: All my relatives should master my interests and under no circumstances make mistakes!

Using an active listening approach eliminates many of these toxic thoughts and prevents misunderstandings. When two parties in an emotional, friendly or even professional relationship properly pay attention to each other's needs, the should automatically disappear.

Active listening helps us see the positive aspects of our relationships more clearly and appreciate them. be them In addition, active listening over time helps to strengthen the realistic aspect of our behavior and speech.

Another effective way to deal with nagging is to focus on the root cause of aggression and bad temper. It's no secret that respectful and friendly communication has a direct relationship with calm nerves. If you generally have relatively aggressive behaviors and cannot maintain your composure during a conversation, it might be better to work on improving this aspect of your behavior first and then start strengthening your active listening skills.

The root of such behaviors. can usually be found in childhood trauma. Unfortunately, a significant number of parents They show aggressive behavior in front of their children and do not hesitate to argue in front of them. The negative effects of such behaviors may not appear immediately, but in the long run they will play a very negative role in the formation of children's social personality and moods. Children who have been constantly exposed to intense and bigoted encounters are more inclined to use "should" in their daily conversations.

It should be remembered that childhood trauma is not easily healed and, in general, 100% removal is not possible. Its effects are not possible. Nevertheless, going to a psychotherapist and analyzing the events that have led to the formation of an authoritarian personality can be very beneficial.

Most of the time, narcissistic people, after seeing a psychotherapist, realize that the root of their narcissism is continuous exposure. He has been exposed to demanding parents. In such a situation, instead of learning new ways of effective communication, it is necessary to discard old learnings and doubt their validity.

Don't forget that the process of rebuilding What you have learned and eliminating old and established habits takes time. And it is difficult. What is important is to maintain the continuity and constantly remind the importance of this reconstruction. Note that What you say is a reflection of What you think. Paying attention to behaviors and speech in order to reduce the tendency to talk, in the first place improves relationships and increases intimacy, and then facilitates getting to know new people.


Behavioral talk It generally appears imperceptibly and over time and reduces the quality of social relationships. People around usually don't want to maintain contact with talkative people and try to stay away from them as much as possible.

In addition, talkativeness greatly reduces the level of satisfaction in life, because a person always feels that everyone Things are not going as "they should". The most effective way to avoid having to talk is to strengthen the ability of active listening and focus on the childhood trauma that caused such unpleasant behavior in adulthood. Don't forget that the recovery process is long and difficult, and persistence is the only tool you'll really need.

Source: Psychologytoday

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