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13 signs that tell you that you are too good!

BingMag.com 13 <b>signs</b> <b>that</b> <b>tell</b> <b>you</b> <b>that</b> <b>you</b> are <b>too</b> good!

Being good is something that every human being thinks about since birth. In adulthood and over the age of twenty, being too nice can get you into trouble. For example, it may prevent him from earning a high income, finding true love, or inventing something he believes in. This process eventually leads to doing something that one does not like. This may happen because the person does not want to lose the person they love, is worried about what others will think of them, or because it seems easier. In this article, we have examined the signs of being too good and ways to turn them into healthy habits.

What is the problem of being too good?

There are many reasons to be good. But have you ever noticed that very good people make less money? Did you know that very good people have more stress, get less promotions, get more tired, experience more mental and physical illnesses?

Signs that tell you that you are too good!

BingMag.com 13 <b>signs</b> <b>that</b> <b>tell</b> <b>you</b> <b>that</b> <b>you</b> are <b>too</b> good!

In the beginning, we must say that there is no problem in being good; There's nothing wrong with helping friends, supporting family, and finding ways to partner with other people in good deeds. But in the meantime, being nice may become too nice and have many negative effects. Dr. Robin Buckley, a cognitive behavioral trainer says: "Being too nice Limit is one of the other ways that people are not successful and comfortable in disappointing others and saying no to them. This discomfort may stem from a past experience of being rejected, being ignored when she spoke up, or even a toxic family history. Everything that has happened has taught one to always say yes, to agree, and to fall short to be kind."

The problem is that if one's whole life is about being very good and doing selfless things because The fear of saying no will be defined, eventually he will feel too tired and angry. "Being too nice or not telling the truth ends up leading to deep resentment," says marriage and family therapist Robyn D'Angelo, MD. When we are always conforming and agreeing with others, we end up feeling ignored, unimportant, and unconnected.

Furthermore, being too nice can also lead to an identity crisis. . D'Angelo says that when you're always available to others, you forget who you are and how you feel. This makes you unable to have honest and vulnerable relationships which are the best kind of relationships. Below is a list of signs of being too good and ways to create more balance in life.

1. You're always apologizing

If you're always wondering if you're a good person, chances are you're constantly apologizing too much. too nice people apologize for everything and at all times. Even if the goal is to be polite, it is not necessary to always apologize, and doing it constantly makes the word sorry lose its meaning. you must apologize. Otherwise, says Buckley, apologizing makes it seem like you did something wrong when you didn't.

  • Solution

Try to avoid apologizing for a whole day. that means don't apologize even if you bump into someone. Controlling yourself in the moment will tell you how much you're apologizing too much and help you do it sparingly. In addition, there are more decisive approaches in these situations. For example, instead of apologizing to your friend for being late to a lunch date, thank them for being patient and staying in your sight, says Buckley.

2. Your needs are never met

Overly nice people often attract people like partners who are lazy, friends who always need help, and family members who always ask for help. There is nothing wrong with helping others, but when the person himself is in a similar situation, those people do not help him. So it is a sign that your needs will never be met. Meaning you never have time to achieve your goals or the people in your life rarely step up to help you. According to Buckley, being too good depletes one's energy to do one's work. In addition, it teaches people to let you down; because they know that you will never criticize them.

  • Solution

Try in relation Be honest about your needs. Let your friends, spouse, or parents know you appreciate their advice and support. While you're in this situation, start prioritizing your own happiness, says Buckley. When you are trying to help others, don't forget your own needs. By doing this, you will reach a better balance and feel better.

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3. you will feel resentful and uncomfortable after saying yes to others

BingMag.com 13 <b>signs</b> <b>that</b> <b>tell</b> <b>you</b> <b>that</b> <b>you</b> are <b>too</b> good!

If you are too nice , you will feel uncomfortable after saying yes to others. If you feel resentful after saying yes to others, then you should know that you are a little too nice and you are pushing yourself. If you constantly agree to do other people's work because you want to be loved and not because you have the time or energy, you will feel resentful and angry.

  • Solution

Although it is difficult, try to practice saying no. Buckley says say these yeses to the people and things that really matter to you. In this case, you will notice that you will feel less tired. If you're worried, respond by texting and saying no, I can't do that. Then put your phone in the corner of the room before you try to explain or justify further. Justification and explanation only provide space for negotiation and guilt. Pay attention to your work and respect your time.

4. Are you worried about being liked

Allison Gervais says thinking that people will only like me when I'm useful to them is a way to reduce anxiety in people who seek to please others.

  • Solution

Jervais says to notice the situations in which you always say yes, then imagine if Not to mention what happens. you probably do this automatically, so look for a way to help you stay in control before you make a decision. Then look for small situations where you can practice saying no. If this is difficult for you, find someone to practice it with, says Gervais. Let them into your schedule and have some fun with them. Ask them to request you for a whole day and practice saying no with them.

5. you are always immersed in your work

From accepting to do other people's shifts to accepting projects that you don't have time to do; you may always experience excessive fatigue at work. Taking on one shift or one project in a million might sound good, but all it gets you is a tight schedule, no days off, late hours, and burnout. Even if this leads to progress at work, it can still lead to people taking advantage of you.

  • Solution

6. you often end up doing things you don't want to do

BingMag.com 13 <b>signs</b> <b>that</b> <b>tell</b> <b>you</b> <b>that</b> <b>you</b> are <b>too</b> good!

Cynthia Halow tells a group of friends think for yourself Are you often transferred from a job you don't like to another job you don't like? If so, maybe the reason is the fear of voicing your opinion. too nice people often find it difficult to express what they think and what they like.

  • Solution

Halo says: "Try to be assertive even if it's out of character. Allow yourself to express your opinion even if your opinion is inappropriate. you can't expect everyone on the planet to agree with you. So don't be afraid to express what's on your mind."

7. you reject your own ideas

If you constantly reject your own ideas, you are not too good a person. Do you ever find yourself dismissing your own ideas or belittling what you say? Halo says too many good people do. They believe that they are not enough and that other people are better than them. This is why their ideas and opinions are underestimated and rejected. Laughing is considered one of the ways to be loved.

  • Solution

The next time another Disparaging comments come to mind, swallow them. Humiliating and rejecting yourself is a habit, and the only way to break it is to do the opposite.

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8. you often change your plans suddenly

In an effort to be good, you may also find that you hit it off quickly without checking your plans with others. The same reasons as before are also true for this issue; It means the fear of saying no, feeling guilty and wanting to be loved. But the downside is that you change your plans at the last minute.

  • The Solution

DiAngelo says: If you tend to say yes quickly, try to answer more slowly. At that moment, I respond with sentences like give me time after an hour. I want to make sure that there is no interference with my schedule and that I have enough time to get the job done. In this case, you respect your feelings and the feelings and time of the person who asked you. Remember that it is more pleasant to hear a negative answer that is honest than to hear a positive answer that is forced and dishonest."

9. Other people treat you impolitely

If other people often treat you out of the realm of politeness, you are probably one of the too nice people. If your family and friends say whatever they want regardless of how it makes you feel, it's because you're too nice, says expert therapist Keischa Pruden. Even though you may think that people are nice to nice people, it is the nature of most people to take advantage of nice people. When you are too good you get bad comments and bad judgments from others. They don't dare share these opinions with anyone but you.

Solution

Set appropriate boundaries with other people, Pruden says. Correct anyone who tries to put you down or destroy the boundaries you've established with them. This may take time but be firm and steadfast throughout the process.

10. Your exterior and interior are not the same

BingMag.com 13 <b>signs</b> <b>that</b> <b>tell</b> <b>you</b> <b>that</b> <b>you</b> are <b>too</b> good!

Are the things you say inconsistent with your inner feelings? Melissa Fulgieri says: "Sometimes when we experience unpleasant emotions like anger or jealousy, we tend to behave in the exact opposite way, for example, being too nice." It's a defense mechanism that overly nice people use to keep things from falling apart.

  • Solution

Know that there is nothing wrong or bad about sharing what's on your mind. In fact, if you are honest about your feelings, other people will feel closer to you. So the next time you are angry, don't smile on the outside despite your inner anger; Instead, say I don't agree with this. This is even useful when talking to a therapist. If your parents taught you not to talk about your feelings, you can learn to respond or relearn how to respond appropriately, Fulgiri says. By receiving guidance, you will realize that being good is not the only acceptable feeling.

11. you are always tired

The reason you are always tired is trying to be too nice to others. Therapist Rachel Rennie says, "If you're always trying to do things for others, you're putting up with abuse, and you're trying to be the best person on the planet; That's why you are always tired." A lifestyle of being too good will only leave you a shell of your former self and you may even lose interest in the things you once loved.

  • Solution>

Remember there is a very big difference between being nice and being kind. "Where kindness is hesitating to say no or deferring to others, kindness is friendly confrontation and letting others know the consequences of actions that could hurt you," Rennie says. The easier you talk and take care of yourself, the less tired you will feel.

12. you avoid confrontation at all costs

BingMag.com 13 <b>signs</b> <b>that</b> <b>tell</b> <b>you</b> <b>that</b> <b>you</b> are <b>too</b> good!

It is completely natural not to be interested in confrontation; But the unnatural thing is to let bad things happen to you because you are too afraid to express your opinion or because you are worried that what you say will change the opinion of others about you.

  • Solution

Practice being assertive. This issue is not as difficult as it seems; Especially because being assertive with kindness doesn't mean you have to be rude. To be assertive, you just need to stand up for yourself. you can practice this little by little in your life or get help from a therapist.

13. you attract people who need help

When you are too nice to others, you teach others that you have no limits and then you are always the mediator of other people's problems. Buckley says you may even attract people who need help, such as friends or family members, who drain a lot of your energy and have high expectations.

  • Solution

The next time someone tries to intervene in their grief, ask yourself, do I have the time and energy to help? If your answer to this question is negative, maintain your boundaries firmly. For example, say: "Your trust in me is very valuable, but I can't talk about it right now." Be aware that replacing this habit and all the anxiety it causes with healthier habits will take time, but it can be done. Remember that being nice is different from being kind. Instead of being too nice, try to be kind.

This article is only for education and information purposes. Be sure to consult an expert before using the recommendations in this article. For more information, read BingMag Disclaimer.

Source: Bustle

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