10 ways to forget and get over a relationship after a breakup

If you have the experience of ending an emotional relationship, you know that forgetting after breaking up and getting over the relationship is much more complicated and difficult than you imagine. It is people. You can't bounce back quickly after a breakup, especially when you're constantly thinking about your ex-spouse or romantic partner. Of course, this issue is not only related to romantic relationships and the end of a friendship can also have a lot of mental conflict.

BingMag.com 10 ways to forget and get over a relationship after a breakup

If you have the experience of ending an emotional relationship, you know that forgetting after breaking up and getting over the relationship is much more complicated and difficult than you imagine. It is people. You can't bounce back quickly after a breakup, especially when you're constantly thinking about your ex-spouse or romantic partner. Of course, this issue is not only related to romantic relationships and the end of a friendship can also have a lot of mental conflict.

The question is why we still think about him after the end of the relationship and how can we stop it. . We have talked to prominent psychologists about this and have written their recommendations for you below. Stay with us.

BingMag.com 10 ways to forget and get over a relationship after a breakup

Why is it hard to forget after a breakup and not think about him?

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Jane Greer, a family therapist, believes that the difficulty of forgetting someone depends on what that person and the relationship meant to you and your life at that time. Even if people themselves want to forget, there are many reasons to ruminate. Maybe your ex-love promised you a permanent date or your friend comforted you when you needed it.
This rumination isn't just limited to your past relationships, it can happen to new relationships as well. Sanam Hafez, a psychologist and faculty member at Columbia University in New York, says: "This can happen to all of us, and it's completely normal. Thinking about someone becomes problematic when you can't deal with them and can't control your thoughts."

What are the reasons for rumination after a breakup?

BingMag.com 10 ways to forget and get over a relationship after a breakup

1. We are all human!

Paul Hookmeyer, psychotherapist and consultant in New York says: "We all need connection with others and this need is instinctive, not rational. Relationships with others make us feel safe and valuable. When someone enters our life and a deep feeling and connection is formed between us, it will be very difficult to forget. It is natural that we cannot control our thoughts and constantly think about him and the good days we had together."

2. Experiencing different emotions

One of the reasons that makes it hard to forget after a breakup is experiencing different emotions. Dr. Hafez says about this: "Maybe when you were with them, there were happy moments for you and that's why you miss those days and you can't stop thinking about that person and your good memories." Greer also believes that what was meaningful to you at that time is lost and you no longer have it in your life. Now, by thinking about them, you want to record those memories in your mind and re-experience some of the good feelings of that time.

3. Rejection

If a relationship has ended with rejection, it is much harder to forget and get that person out of your mind. Greer says: In case of rejection, you still bear the pain of separation, and you may also wish for your romantic partner to come back. The more painful the loss, the more you ruminate about that relationship. So whether it's ending romantic or friendship relationships, understanding the loss and how it makes you feel about yourself is very important to moving on.

4. Loneliness

According to Dr. Hafez, loneliness is one of the important reasons that make it difficult to forget after a breakup. Someone who has been in your life for a long time is no longer there and you can't stop thinking about them. He advises: "Instead of thinking about the wrong person, your ex-partner, it's better to spend time with your family and old friends."

5. Unresolved issues

Some people may have unresolved issues from their previous relationship and therefore do not want to enter into a new relationship. Dr. Hafez recommends giving yourself time in this situation to find the necessary preparation for communicating with a new person. It is better to talk to a therapist and ask him for advice.

6. Fantasizing about a new person

As we mentioned, rumination is not only about past relationships, it can also be thinking about a new person to have a relationship with. This happens because you focus on the other person's potential and create fantasies that you wish or could have had and missed out on, says Greer. In fact, you see this new person as a way to re-experience what you had in your old relationships.

7. Remembering yourself when you were with that person

Rumination can be more about yourself than what you did with them. Dr. Hafez says: "It is possible that you liked the person you had during the relationship and miss him after the breakup." Sanam Hafez emphasizes: "Remember that even if you are alone, Even with a new person, you can always live like the same days."

Now that we understand the reasons for constant thinking after a breakup, the main and important question is:

How does he forget?

BingMag.com 10 ways to forget and get over a relationship after a breakup

1. Give yourself time

It's okay if you still love and think about him after the breakup. Love alone is not enough to maintain a relationship and it needs other criteria, and when you end a relationship, it does not mean that you have ended your love. It's normal to think about your ex or even like him; So stop blaming yourself and give yourself time.

With time you may completely forget about him and your mind will be free. In other words, if you focus all your energy on why you still think about him after the breakup and don't give yourself the time to forget, you will only make yourself think about him more than before.

2. Pay attention to your feelings

Before you can stop thinking about someone and forget them, give yourself time to experience sadness, anger, madness, or any other emotion. Some people want to feel better quickly and for this reason they suppress their feelings; If recognizing feelings and valuing them in a healthy way is part of the healing process. If you give yourself time and permission to be sad, angry, etc. and acknowledge your feelings, after a while your sadness will decrease and you will think less about him; Because there is nothing left to repeat in your mind.

3. Put aside anger and resentment

Holding anger and resentment is not good for mental health; Because it only expands the pain you have felt in the past and causes more stress. Letting go allows you to live in the present moment and ease your pain. Of course, note that forgiving does not mean suppressing anger, and you must first find the reason for your feelings, allow them to emerge, and then take action to put them aside.

4. Start journaling

Dr. Hafez says: "Writing down your thoughts and feelings will help you see them more clearly, understand them better, and ultimately find out how to feel better. "Writing is a way to express feelings, and when you get all your inner feelings out, your broken heart heals, and that has a big impact on forgetting after a breakup."

Hookmeyer suggests a list of reasons Make a list of things that are not going well in the relationship and things that are hurting the relationship. Write your feelings without filtering and don't be shy about writing things like hurt pride. Finally, write a list of lessons you have learned and what you can do in the future. Put all three lists where you can see them every day and give yourself three months to use your experiences.

5. Pay attention to what you learn

Greer's advice is to focus on what makes the emotional or friendship relationship meaningful to you. Review your relationship and see what that person and that relationship meant to you, because this is very effective for moving on with life and forgetting after a breakup. There are many reasons why you fell in love with a certain person. Instead of allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by negative emotions like hate, anger, and sadness, focus on the positive things you've learned about yourself along the way.

6. Set aside time to think about him

Setting a specific time to think about him may seem strange, but it is a method that can have a great effect. For example, if you think about your ex while you're at work, tell yourself that you're going to think about him after dinner and block your thoughts until that time. This method makes you experience your feelings, but rumination does not interfere with your life and daily activities.

7. Set boundaries for yourself

One of the most important ways to help forget after a breakup is to set clear boundaries for yourself and your relationship. For example, if your ex is constantly texting you, set a boundary for him and clearly tell him that he must stop texting you in order to get over the relationship. Another example is about the photos you took during the relationship. If seeing old photos of you triggers you and makes you think about him constantly, deleting all photos from your phone and laptop is a big step in ending the relationship.

8. Avoiding Reconnection

If you can disconnect and give yourself time to be away from your ex-partner, you will help your recovery and the process of forgetting after a breakup. In fact, if you keep seeing his pictures and hearing new news about him, it becomes very hard to forget him. In order to achieve your goal, you may have to temporarily stop using cyberspace or disconnect from a friend, but this will help your healing process. you do.

9. Take care of yourself

Taking care of yourself and increasing the time you dedicate to yourself will reduce your stress levels. "Focus on personal goals and the present so you can make the most of your life and time and get back to your happy days," Dr. Hafez says.

You can start dating, a regular exercise program Treat yourself, take art classes, or do whatever makes you feel better. By engaging in activities you enjoy, you can focus on yourself and ruminate less than before. In everything you do, like spending time with family and friends, trying a new restaurant, etc., love yourself to clear your mind and find peace.

BingMag.com 10 ways to forget and get over a relationship after a breakup

10. Focus on other relationships in your life

Greer suggests focusing on other relationships in your life to see if you can re-experience the same positive feelings you had with that person. Explore ways to strengthen these relationships or meet someone new. Understanding what made a previous relationship meaningful and important to you will help you replicate that feeling in your current relationships.

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